Social Networking Sucks! (Or, why I left Facebook)
Many of you know that last year I removed my profile from the social-networking site Facebook. Some people have asked me why I did so, and I’ve generally given a few reasons but have also promised that an article would be forthcoming on my site. Finally, here it is!
It’d take me a long time to explain what Facebook is and what it does if you don’t already know. In order to give you some basic idea, though, here is the blurb from the site’s home page:
Facebook is a social utility that connects you with the people around you.
Facebook is made up of many networks, each based around a company, region, high school or college.
You can use Facebook to:
- Share information with people you know.
- See what’s going on with your friends.
- Look up people around you.
What that means, in practice, is that when you set up an account on Facebook, you fill in information for your profile page. You then declare yourself to be a ‘Friend’ of other Facebook users (they have to approve you: they agree that you should be classed a ‘Friend’), and a record of that fact is then also kept on your profile.
So, I took myself off Facebook in July 2006, having joined in May 2005, back when it was still called ‘thefacebook’. During that time I collected about forty Friends.
For months, then, I’ve been meaning to write this article; to verbalize the cognitive process which led to me removing myself from the site. (That’s a junky-jargon sentence for you.) I’ve been trying to come up with a soundly-reasoned set of points for getting off Facebook, which would in turn become a matter of discussion.
But I can’t really do it. I’ve come to realize that my reason is basically a little silly, and that it probably says more about me than it does about Facebook.
I just didn’t like it.
I’m relieved to say, however, that I have got fairly sensible (to me) reasons for not liking it.
First and foremost, I just cannot see the point. I am already able to stay in touch with my friends throughout the University and at other universities, using email, instant messaging, and—golly—the phone. These are all easy methods of communication. Many people argue that using Facebook allows them to stay in contact with friends with whom they would otherwise lose touch—and I’m sure that’s true—but for me, I can’t help but think, why would I stay in touch with these people using this site if I’d been so lazy (or calculating) that we don’t already communicate using the media already available to us?
Indeed, being the anti-social little weirdo that I am, during my membership of the site I only added one Friend; the others all invited me to be their friends (great!, you say). However, after these people had added me as their Friend, they never once got in touch with me. Fine for the people that I was seeing here, but there were people adding me as a Friend whom I hadn’t seen in years, had encountered in some previous existence, and perhaps with whom I had never been particularly chummy. Bye bye the it-lets-you-stay-in-touch-with-people-with-whom-you’ve-otherwise-lost-contact argument.
Furthermore, I had a problem with the use of the word ‘Friend’. Note that I use an initial capital to refer to a Facebook ‘Friend’ and lowercase for a real friend. Because there is very much a distinction: to me, the word ‘friend’ conjures up a real sense of mutual affection. My Friends weren’t actually factually friends (I did it!), and so it troubled me to publicize the description of Friends as friends. ‘People I know’, sure. But ‘Friends’? Nuh-uh.
Like very many other people, I was quite disturbed by the implications that Facebook has for individual users’ privacy. Now, this very site is a testament to the fact that I haven’t got a huge problem with posting information about myself online. On my own site, I have absolute control over everything that is published. On Facebook, however, all of this information about a huge number of people is collected together on one site, ripe for the harvest. Someone else could post something about you in their own profile—however potentially harmful—and you’d be powerless to do anything about it. One thing that bothered me from the beginning is the way in which people, when uploading photos, can tag each image with information about who is in the photo. Very commendable. But then users can click a link on your profile page to view all photos on the site which have been tagged with your name. It suddenly got very easy for someone to see any photo ever taken of you in whatever compromising situation—whether you like it or not. You can individually ‘detag’ photos so that they no longer disclose that it’s you in the frame, but this is a tiresome opt-out process, rather than allowing your name to be attached to individual photographs.
I felt very much that I didn’t really fit in with what was expected of me with regard to the profile page. Everything seemed to have the implication of being very dating-oriented, without overtly saying so. You have only to look at the various ‘virtual gifts’ just introduced for Facebook users to give one another (each gift, which is merely an image sent from one user to another, costs $1 USD, which this month is being given to charity, but afterwards will be retained by the site), and the implication of each of these images, to see that nearly all of them are ‘dating’-oriented. Thanks, but no thanks. Some people have tried to suggest to me that all human interaction is ‘dating’-oriented, but even I am not that cynical. I find the implication here too tasteless for words.
Finally, I freely admit to being a fogey. And as a fogey, I dislike participating too much in fads. And I’m convinced that Facebook is a fad, because—returning to my first argument against the site—I Just Can’t See The Point. (See what I did there? You might call it Ring Composition. But I wouldn’t.)
When I bit the bullet and left the site—in case you’re wondering, it didn’t Change My Life, and You Can Do It Too—I was under the impression that all social networking was effectively pointless. However, my opinion on that matter has since been further refined. What I see as pointless, is social networking for the sake of social networking. Let me explain.
As I’ve written about recently, I’ve taken to using Flickr for sharing my photos (the photos displayed on this site are stored at Flickr). Flickr is primarily about photos, but you can establish relationships with other users of the site, who are described as ‘Contacts’. The benefit of doing this is that you can have a single view where you can see photos recently uploaded by your Contacts. You can also choose to determine individual Contacts as being ‘Friends’ or ‘Family’—you can then share individual photos and albums with no one, with everyone, just with your Contacts, or just with Friends and/or Family. The distinction between Contacts, Friends, and Family is very helpful, I think—it gives you a much more sophisticated level of control over your privacy. On Facebook, someone is a Friend, or they’re not. There’s no in-between.
But the central concern of Flickr is photos and photography; the social networking is a useful extra—not an afterthought, as such, but rather something you can choose whether or not you want to engage in. On Facebook, the central concern is to establish online relationships with people you already know in some capacity; the other things like photos are secondary. How ironic, therefore, that the distinction between different types of Contacts comes on a site where the social networking is secondary to the purpose of the site, and not on one where the very purpose of the site is to aid your relationship with these people.
On Flickr, you may or may not know your ‘Contacts’ offline—what draws you together on the site is a common interest in photography. Although I’m not an active user of the site, I can imagine that something similar can be said about YouTube, where anyone can join, but the common interest is specifically in each other’s videos. On Facebook, however, there is no common bond between the users of the site, except for arbitrary things that define the individual networks, like ‘we’re at the same university’, or ‘we live in the same town’.
I know that very many people continue to love using Facebook, and good for them. However, I felt I had to remove myself. Got an opinion of your own? Sound off in the comments.
1
Richard, Richard, Richard. So selfish! Maybe you can’t see the point of Facebook, but that’s partly because it allows other people to use you.
Example number one. You may have added only one friend in your entire Facebook existence, but just think: forty other (perhaps mildly insecure or socially inept) people got an ego boost from you accepting their friendship invitation. In the course of a year, you sent forty people a clear and unambiguous message of acceptance. Some people like that.
Example number two. Facebook is extremely useful for people not quite as organized as you. When forgetful people lose their mobile phones, they can easily find your contact details if you are on Facebook. When you leave Oxford and people don’t know which email address you’re using, Facebook can show them. If you fail to adequately publicise your birthday, Facebook can remind your nearest and dearest, so they don’t feel like bad people.
Example number three. Your Facebook profile allows like minded people to find you, no matter how apathetic you are. Instead of having to seek out common interest groups through specific sharing sites like Flickr or YouTube, people can invite you to join groups they think might interest you. If, my dear boy, you were still on Facebook, today you would have received an invitation to join the Ministry of Truth group, which allows me to tell lots of people about a very interesting website (http://mo-truth.blogspot.com, if anyone’s interested). Had you joined the group, your friends would then have seen it on your list of groups: some of them might have looked at it, and maybe even joined themselves. But no. Thanks to your stubbornness, I’ve had to take time out of my busy day to write this comment on your blog , just to reach those very same people. Shame on you ; b
2
And that’s a good thing, why, exactly?
In fact, I already feel used. I was thinking of editing out the spaminess of your last paragraph, but that sounded far too much like work.
3
It’s a good thing because life is a non-zero sum game. Other people “use” you, but by the same token you can “use” them. Both parties benefit from the reciprocal information sharing (which, as Sinead points out, is difficult to come by elsewhere) and so it advantageous to join.
Sorry to sound so much like an economist, but that’s the way it is. You’re just missing out my friend…
4
Greg is right, he’s quite smart. Sometimes it’s not about you
I wash my roommates’ dishes, even though it’s not fair and not my responsibility, but I get lots of respect from them because I do.
I’m on facebook because I understand that it makes it easier for other people to contact me sometimes, and that’s enough for me.
Just my 2 cents.
5
You did better than me — I left after four hours for pretty much the same reasons.
6
I’m on Facebook now. I wasn’t before.
Am I on it for me? No. I’m on it for other people. People I know who unless you exist in some constant form in their life, you are dead to them. I had to go and create a Facebook page just so others could perchance “find” me. I did it because these people have forgotten what it is to have social interaction with real live breathing human beings. Looking at a picture, and leaving a textual note does them just swell.
And it can’t stop there. If you are an inactive member of one of these “social networking” sites, its the same as if you aren’t there. If your page is boring and uninteresting, YOU are likewise boring and uninteresting. You will be buried under a pile of people who have the time to customize their profile, thus attracting attention.
It makes me sick. Popularity contests all around. And sadly, if I leave, it either won’t be noticed, or angry words will be slung in my direction. I don’t fault my friends for this. They are not so shallow. They have simply bought into a system that is so disgustingly fake in its “convenience” that dialing 10 digits on a phone has become an endeavor of grandiose proportions, so colossal it numbs the mind at the thought of it.
But its okay for them. A simple textual “hey” surpasses the sound of hearing one’s voice.
7
Dear Richard, it does not surprise me that you left Facebook it surprises me that you joined. Don’t you people have pigeon post? But then I am so old I remember when “information superhighway” was a buzz word. I also remember when no matter what you ordered you had to wait 28 days for delivery (Amazon being an obscure term for Lesbian you see). And when floppy disks really were floppy. And when computer games came on audio cassettes. Yes that’s right. Cassette tapes.
8
Dear Richard,
“My Friends weren’t actually factually friends (I did it!)”, you write. Whether or not wonder(ing) woman’s objections, whatever exactly they were, were correct, there are, in any case, two problems with your response to her.
1) ‘Friends’ should be written ”Friends” not, ‘Friends’, as you put in the above-quoted protasis.
2) Your use of ‘actually’ would go against your protestations about the use of that very term in your ‘About Richard Flynn’ section of your (quite excellent) site. At best, it is tautology (cfr. New Shorter OED definitions 2, 3 and 4 of ‘actually’).
For you to be a pedant, you must actually be consistent.
John Gee
ps I am open to being explained to about RSS feeds.
9
Help me! I don’t want to go on face book any longer…and to my horror i’ve forgotten the password so I can’t even delete myself..What do i do??
10
Gemma, you can reset your password at this page. Then you’ll be able to log in and shut your account.
11
I’m with you Richard, I recently left Facebook mainly for the picture-related stuff you mentioned. But mainly, I left Facebook JUST because I didn’t want to remove my ex-girlfriend from my friends list. I wanted to remove her because I didn’t/don’t want to see pictures of her acting flirtsy with other guys and generally posting things that I would rather not see. I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea about de-friending her, I’m sure she would have understood, but STILL, if I removed her and remained on Facebook I would have still seen photos of her elsewhere. So what I’m trying to say is Facebook SUCKS when it comes to ex girlfriends/boyfriends you’re not over!
12
“I just cannot see the point”
The market seems to disagree with you Richard:
13
Good on you! You dont suffer from the herd mentality that afflicts others. Not just facebook but the internet has become a very dangerous place for the unweary.
14
Richard,
Well done on your article. As other posters have pointed out “the market does not agree with you” - the point you make is not to make an Internet market agree with you. I make the decision every day I hear another “Facebook conversation” to stay away from such palaces. I can keep contact with my small circle of friends and contacts through (a) fixed line telephone, (b) mobile telephone, (c) email and (d) wait for it … good old fashioned face to face meetings. While face to face doesnt work in all contexts where geographical distance is large the other three methods can step in. I use Flickr for my photos, I keep my book marks on del.icio.us, I will create a blog if someday it is absolutely necessary.
It will be interesting to see where the current Facebook phase leads to … has it reached it’s peak yet? I remember the time when if you were not chatting online you were the world’s champion bore. Bottom line is I am comfortable and confident enough in me as a person (and with my interaction with other people) that I do not need Facebook (or similiar tools) to confirm this to me.
15
[…] true—I could opt out of Facebook entirely; I know of plenty of people who have, or are thinking about it. But I’m not quite ready to do that, because I’m not willing to have […]
16
Youtube is different because theres lots to watch and you dont need to register/join or have to interact with anyone to use the site. However, online social network sites such as myspace,bebo, friendster and facebook are all a piece of boring pointless sh*t. Not only is there nothing to do on the site, but its the same moronic users doing the rounds on all the sites and lets face it most people aren’t even active users, there are millions of registered users, but most of those are dormant. Another site I can think of is okcupid.com, there are probably quarter of a million profiles on there and only 3,000 are ever active at any one time, which means theres a hell of a lot of inactivity.
If you say you want to keep in touch with your friends…why don’t you email them instead….if they were your real friends you would call them or meet up with them rather post cr*p on some sad virtual wall on myspace or facebook. And theyre not your real friends either, several academic studies show that real friendships are seldom made on the net, if we’re never gonna meet in person then I dont want to waste my time conversing or adding you as a friend in the first place. I can’t stand morons who use you for online chat, if they don’t have a good reason to add me in the first place then I block them, i don’t care if they have pretty pic or not. And I don’t think you can permanently delete your account on facebook, you can only suspend it, its still on their system.
17
“It’s not about you man… your so selfish to not allow all the people you have ever met the option to contact you as and when they jolly wish” What a load of rubbish. I’m not even going to justify my reasons. Thats all I had to say. Off to the pub to have a pint with my real life friends now. Goodnight.
18
Wow. That’s one heckuva way to rage against the machine, Rich. If Facebook doesn’t reinvent itself… it will always be mislabelled as something more inferior than it really is.
(By the way, the two comments before mine really exemplifies the opposites sides of how we view the once-elusive Cyberspace.)
19
I agree with you. I used to have myspace and facebook but i mean it gets to much of a hassle and the older you get the more you move on. I mean i used to be a myspace crack head and i also made a facebook but man it just gets useless i mean i was always checking my messeges and chaning my page but i have better things to do now. I think its for younger people who have nothing to do. I can get ahold of anyone i want without a problem. I agree with you and facebook was the samw way with me i add like 4 pple then came the frriend request. You did the right thing. I mean every one acts like we need a social site to have a life or something but look how long we went without them.
20
Hi Richard,
I totally agree with you. After several months on facebook I found myself with a bunch of ‘Friends most of which I wasn’t particularly interested in and never wished to be. I don’t know how it could have happend!!!
Probably I am one of your 39 friends that invited you and never got in touch with you. I did the very same to most of my ‘Friends’!
There was this strange urge to get as many contacts as possible - it was like a drug! I had to fight with myself not to invite everyone I had ever written an email to. But as soon as I had invited somebody whom I didn’t care about much, I wished to remove him/her again. Of course, you can’t do that unless something happens and even then it is quite ridiculous to do that.
In the end, I was soooo glad to remove everybody when I deactivated my account. I am clean now!!! And I hope to stay clean. No more social networking for the sake of social networking!
21
Well said Richard. I just left facebook yesterday, had it deactivated and emailed them to kindly delete my account which they did. For those still using it, by all means continue to do so. I’m fed up with this social networking stuff. I want to keep in touch with people the old fashion way (pick up the phone and call them).
We’re human beings after all, communicating in person is what being social is about, not “online” correspondence.
22
Howdy,
I tried Facebook and left it during the first two hours. Too slow, what’s the point of wasting time with people you call Friend but won’t “befriend” in real life, and what’s more, when there’s flickr, gmail, youtube and reddit, who needs Facebook?
True, the name does sound catchy. Facebook. Oh. yeah.
23
Richard,
I could not have put it better myself…If we met face to face with 90% of these so called facebook friends we’d hardly give them a nod.
Also, sending people little icons and writing on their walls is so first grade.