Quentin, my main man:

Hope you’re well. I haven’t heard from you for a while: I’ve been getting a bit worried. I sure do hope you weren’t too offended by all that Quentin’s-sold-out-and-betrayed-his-indie-roots stuff. We were just messin’ with you. Anyway, I went to the theatre a couple of weeks ago and had an awesome idea for your next project. This thing’s pretty much written for you. That’s right. I’m suggesting you produce Hamlet.

Remember what Romeo + Juliet did for Baz Luhrmann? Well, that shows there’s a market for this Shakespeare stuff done right, right? The audience is there, and ripe for the picking in the usual T-man style.

I know you like to mix things up a bit chronology-wise. That’s where you and the Bard differ slightly: he was more of …